Could Care Less

So recently I have found out that my parents no longer trust me. Before, trust used to mean a great deal to me, I've had trust issues in my past but I do try and hold peoples trust as well as earn it (If that makes sense). What I mean by saying that is, I trust people and want them to know they can trust me too. I don't lie to people nor hurt them in any intentional way. My little brother on the other hand, doesn't quite understand this, all he understands is he can be the favorite out of us 4 siblings (whom are older than he) if he rats everyone of us out, even if he has to stretch the truth by a mile.

I know the people I hang around, I've known them over 3 years, which means I did not meet these people yesterday. I know my boundaries and so do they, I know theirs as well. The little irritation doesn't know half of what I do. I talk around these people in a certain way. I talk to my parents in a certain way, I talk to my Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and every individual in a certain way.

I have done NOTHING WRONG!!!! Do they believe me? NO they believe the little rat because he tells them what they want to hear. I'm a positive person, so I let them know the positives and make the negatives not so negative, he tells it the complete opposite. Make himself sound good, and I sound like a whore.

The main question is 'Do I Care?' NO, I did, but not anymore. NOW I could care less!

I have already lost their trust, by doing nothing (literally, I'm not lying) by my brother telling them all this false, exaggerated information behind my back, they don't know the truth, my truth. I know I can't blame them, but they can still listen and believe me, even if I was lying, Because its MY story not HIS!!

So, I no longer care, I don't have their trust, what else have I got to loose? Their respect for me, I have no more left for them, seems fair to me. What else.... Maybe their love? Impossible, you love your child no matter what. So again, I have nothing else to loose. They already dis-trust me and I didn't do anything, so why try to rebuild that trust, when they never really trusted me in the first place? I am free to do anything!! They've already yelled, screamed, and lectured me. All that's left is a good beating, the chances of them beating me are slim to none, so I could care less!!!!!

I don't care anymore, I have gone to them (mostly my mother, I admit) with everything, I've trusted them with everything, now, I have no one I trust. If my own family can gain up on me like the way they did why should I trust anyone?

I've never felt so alone, but I guess feeling alone is nice, I realize the only person I can truly rely on is myself, I don't need friends who will just back stab me for what they want. I would never do that to myself. I would never yell at myself unless I hurt myself, I would never lecture myself, unless I was stuck in a deep situation. I would never beat myself unless I was beating the blood through my veins to repair my broken heart. I would trust myself with all my secrets, I know I won't tell anyone. I'd surprise myself with nice notes and flowers, wish myself luck on everything. Love myself more than anyone ever could, give myself unlimited attention so I look my absolute best for my own taste.

I would do all this myself because you were so careless, and destroyed my trust when you thought I Lost yours. I don't loose things, I always remember where I put things, and I remember putting your trust closest to my heart because I loved you that much.

But now.... I COULD CARE LESS!!

* I know I rambled with this and it may not all add up or make perfect sense, but I needed to get that out, and I'm glad you read it, maybe learned something from it, or could relate to it. Thank you*